By Sarah Spencer, Elder & Disability Law Clinic Student, Fall 2017
“Thou know’st ’tis common; all that lives must die,
Passing through nature to eternity.”
Hamlet Act I, scene 2, line 72.
What do we do when it comes time to make a decision that entails facing those things which scare us most? Usually, our first instinct is to just not face it—to not make that decision. We leave those uncomfortable truths for our future selves, saying “not today,” or “I’ll be better equipped to face that down the road.” However, the cost of ignoring those problems, of temporarily soothing our fears, doesn’t fix anything. In fact, it usually just makes those problems worse, looming larger and larger in our imaginations until it robs us of the very peace we’re trying to preserve by ignoring those problems in the first place.
One of the most uncomfortable truths any of us have to face in our lives is the fact that we are mortal. Making provisions for when we leave this life forces us to think about our loved ones in a world without us, which is usually not a pleasant task. Consequently, some people choose not to think about it until it’s too late. Others begin to face this decision but become emotionally overwhelmed—unable to make a choice or commit.
This latter situation is exactly what I experienced with my client, Mrs. Sweet[1]. She has been in the process of drafting her will for over a year now. While she has modest assets, she never seems able to commit to a plan. Perhaps this reflects how a person’s life constantly changes and the difficulty in creating one document to reflect the variety and richness of that. However, I sense that it has more to do with worry—worry over what will become of her children when she’s gone. Worry that she’ll get this big decision wrong.
I used to be like Mrs. Sweet with all my big decisions. But, one of the simplest and most life-changing lessons I’ve learned is that you must force yourself to be brave and tackle things head on. Even if it still turns out a mess, I’m always glad I did. And so should everyone, especially when it comes to that scariest of decisions. Everyone leaves this world at some point, so there’s no use denying it. It’s better to commit to a plan than wind up with no contingencies or control at all. Then when the inevitable happens, we’ll be ready and comforted by the knowledge that things will be done how we would have wanted, easing the burden of our passing for our loved ones.
[1] Pseudonym for client’s actual name.